I like how everyone’s always like “Oh no, don’t steal immortality from the gods, oh don’t steal knowledge from the gods, wah wah don’t steal golden fruits blah blah” and then I’m all like stealing from the gods like a bosssss. Whatevs man, I’ll bring fire to the mortals, I don’t give a shit, watch me.
Hey OP how do you feel about eagles?
I’m for ‘em!
Well then good news!
We gonna steal eagles from the gods? I’m down.
What’s prometheus and why is everyone tagging my post with it.
Don’t worry about it. Hey what size manacles do you wear?
funny phrases to use when something goes wrong instead of jokingly saying “i’m going to kms”:
i’m going to kill god
i’m going to delete my blog
i’m going to explode
i’m going to blow up this entire website
i’m going to become the joker
this is going to be my villain origin story
feel free to add on
THIS ONE WINS
oh you know
What is homestuck? Is it like goncharov?
How is he his brother and biological father please
dave is his genetic offspring but was adopted as a little brother rather than a son. all things considered, it’s one of the less convoluted aspects of homestuck’s family tree
LESS CONVOLUTED?
don’t worry about it 🙂
relevant to this blog i think
I like to think i’m allowed to be proud of this
Bowl identification:
East Fork soup bowl in either Eggshell or Panna Cotta, featuring the brass flatware available on their website; Lucky Charms.
my mom didn’t believe in lying to children so when I first asked about santa claus as a small child she was like “oh santa claus is another name for a man named saint nicholas who lived a long time ago. he was a very kind and generous man and he loved giving people presents and he would do things like put presents in people’s stockings when they were hung up to dry by the fire, so they would find them and be surprised. so now when we give presents at christmas it’s fun to pretend saint nicholas or ‘santa claus’ brings them. and we hang up stockings by the fire and when we get up in the morning there are presents in them, just like if saint nicholas was still alive to bring them!”
so that thanksgiving one of my uncles said jovially “so mac, are you being good for santa claus?” and little (not quite three year old) mac looked up and raised an eyebrow and said witheringly “he’s dead.”
Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he’s legally untouchable he’s ethically unfuckable. You don’t like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.
Hi guys. This post ain’t about stereotyping random professions (farriers????), it’s about how cops are effectively legally untouchable and if they hurt you, you have virtually no recourse. A quality that none of those other professions have. It’s the inherent power imbalance of being bound to someone who can’t be prosecuted.
The “firemen cheat” thing is actually a myth, union workers are both hot and professionally stable, paramedics are stressed out but otherwise fine, physical workers are not inferior to “thinkers” don’t be fuckin classist, and “watch out for Farriers” is maybe the funniest thing anyone’s ever said on this post.
like the fuck are they gonna do lmao
Having beef with the horse cobbler is objectively hilarious
Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like “posts that a gnome would make” or like “are you a phone”
My favorite pirate joke is “why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at c” not because it’s THAT funny but because it’s a relatively simple joke that nobody ive told it to has ever correctly guessed the punchline for because they all think it’s gonna be a joke about arrrr
Another classic is
“Why couldn’t the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!”
For more hilarious pirate jokes like these go to google and type pirate jokes into the search bar and click search
Sorry for the double reblog I just wanted to let everyone know that I told the first joke to my dad and he hung up on me.
